Bless My Heart?!

Last week, a friend of mine called and invited me to play Bunco with a group of women from her neighborhood. I almost laughed into the phone, because I have spent the better part of the last few years mocking women who play Bunco. I'm nice like that. I've never played it before, I just decided that the name sounded strange and needed to be mocked.

Since I've been trying to make more of an effort to get out and make new friends, I knew I needed to say yes to Bunco. My friend told me to bring $5 and the beverage of my choice. They must be serious Bunco players - they have a money pot! So, after leaving the children with my very-sweet-to-let-me-leave-while-he-takes-care-of-the-kids husband, I stopped by the grocery store to get the "beverage of my choice". I was definitely in the mood for Dr. Pepper. Oh, how I love Dr. Pepper. It is what I miss the most when I'm not drinking soda. If it weren't for sweet tea, I'd be in a deep depression most of the time without Dr. Pepper. Anyway, as my luck would have it, there was a huge gap in the hundreds of 2-liters that lined the shelves...and it was right where the Dr. Pepper was supposed to be. They were out! There was Diet Dr. Pepper, but that is wrong on so many levels. So now the evening was pointless...but I decided to go through the motions anyway. I got a 2-liter of Pepsi (not even Wild Cherry Pepsi - they were out of that too!), and drove on over to my friend's house.

There were several other women at my friend's house, and we were all going to walk over to the "Bunco house" down the street. I left the Pepsi in the car, and figured I'd grab it as we started walking. As the women were getting ready to go, they started doing something that caused me to panic. They grabbed their HUGE purses and put at least one bottle of wine in there...along with their own *monogrammed* wine glass. Yes, I kid you not. Monogrammed wine glasses. Lavern and Shirley would be proud! Then just to kick me while I'm down, my friend grabbed her *wine tote* that carried both her bottle of wine, and her wine glass in a *monogrammed* neoprine bag. Then, the inevitable question...

"Did you bring your wine?"

I stumbled over an explanation about how I didn't know "beverage" meant alcohol, and I just brought Pepsi, and at some point, I covered my face hoping that if I couldn't see them, they couldn't see me. All those women and their wine bottles and fancy glasses staring at me. I might as well have been 14 years old, braces on my teeth, showing up with my 2-liter and a smile. I felt incredibly stupid. The women were nice though, and still allowed me to play Bunco with them...I think I may have been the charity case at that point. You could pick me out of the crowd...I was the one with a disposable non-monogrammed cup, drinking water the entire evening.

Bunco requires no mental effort. So it's perfect for women because they can play and talk at the same time without the game suffering. In fact, if you're not talking, Bunco is kind of boring. So during the game, I had plenty of opportunity to compare myself to these other women.

Healthy, I know.

I wore jeans to play Bunco...most of the other women wore dresses or skirts. One other woman wore jeans, but she wore heels with them, so that doesn't count.

I wore flip flops like many other women there, but they all had pedicures. I've had two pedicures in my entire life, and this particular night, instead of nicely-painted nails, I was sporting a couple of band-aids because of some ant bites I had gotten from gardening a few days before.

Many of these women had really nice cars - Mercedes, Lexus, etc. I had decided to leave our nicer SUV at home for Tyler and I drove our 12 year old Honda Civic.

I could go on, but I won't. The women were all very nice, and I enjoyed the evening in spite of my social and fashion failures.

One thing I've learned about the south is that you can talk about anyone and say anything about them, and as long as you follow it up with "Bless her heart" or "Bless his heart", it's o.k. It cancels out what you've said. I cringe when I think about how many times my heart was probably blessed after I left Bunco. Seriously, I had it coming.

But I try not to think about it. I went home, into the arms of my husband...who had to laugh a little bit. What a jerk! Bless his heart.


Kristen said...

Awww...I'm so sorry Jen! Not all Bunco groups are like that - I promise! They were very popular in the Army and way more fun. I've done once since here too in NJ and it's better than what you experienced. We did do money in both groups, but in the Army it went to the next host who bought really cool gifts for the different winners at next month's get together.
I will say I knew what was coming when you started talking about the whole soda thing, but I figured you could get away with, "well, I'm nursing" :)

Ron said...

Poor Jen. Who would have thought "southern" women would be like that? You must live in a fancy area. :-) My mom and many of her friends (all ages) play Bunco every month and LOVE it. It is a hit. Hope you can play again. You're ahead of me with 2 pedicures. I've never had one.

the Cavens said...

Ha, ha, ha! Jen this was SO funny! You seriously made my morning as I read this. I have some friends who have been trying to get me to play Bunco with them for a couple years...and now I think I'm going to have to say yes!