Marriages, Commitments, Relationships...

Lately, I've been thinking a lot about marriage and relationships. Mainly because it is the main subject of conversation lately, but also in my own time I've thought about it. I passed the bridal magazines in the grocery store today, and a little twinge of excitement caught me. I had to stop and look through one, but then I quickly put it back since I had Zach with me, and did NOT want people to think I was planning my own LATE wedding :)

When you strip away all the glitz and tradition from a wedding, it is simply two people choosing to spend their lives together. I guess in the current culture, it's more about two people promising to stick together until they don't want to anymore, but I digress.

Tyler and I have been married for 6 years now, and it's been wonderful. We definitely have had our share of frustrations, and I am still learning daily how to be a better wife for him, but I think we've always viewed our marriage as a team effort where we are both on the same side, fighting for the same thing. I know 6 years is just a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime, and I'm sure I will look back on this in 20 years and laugh my head off over my "wisdom", but all this talk of marriage has caused me to reflect on what I've learned:

I've learned that marriage is a magnifying glass. While it magnifies the good things in a relationship, it also magnifies the negative/weak areas.

The most important thing that I can give my husband is respect.

My husband should not be my best friend. My husband is not my girl friend who I can talk to for 3 hours about random things. He is a man who is not always interested in all of that. I need to have friends to satisfy my need to friendship.

Weddings are fun to plan and marriage is exciting, but when the newness wears off, there is a relationship to maintain, and hopefully there is more of a foundation than just "love" to work with.

As women, we tend to have a double standard when it comes to our husbands. It's ok to not be interested in their passions or what they have to say, but if the tables were turned and our husbands acted as disinterested and cutting as women do, we would label them jerks, abusers and pigs.

Just because two people are committed to the idea of staying married for life, doesn't mean they should rush into marriage. Learning to work together with someone BEFORE you are married is much better than learning to work together on the fly in a marriage. Kind of like why an athlete practices before a game instead of just deciding to go out there and wing it. And just like in sports, some people can wing it and will be just fine...but most will be unprepared and lose more than they bargained for.

A wife should do her best to make her husband feel loved, respected, and heroic. A husband should do his best to make his wife feel loved, protected and cherished. What have you done in the last 24 hours to convey that to either your husband or your wife?

When all is said and done, a marriage is about doing all you can to bless and improve the life of your spouse. That is a selfless marriage...imagine if all couples woke up each morning and asked the question, "what can I do to make this day great for my husband/wife?". Our world would be transformed.

I'd love to hear any answers to my question above in bold! :)


Anonymous said...

Have you guys read "Love & Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs? You'd LOVE it!